My Biggest Fear

Tons of people
Know what they want
To do as a profession
Yet I don't
Right now I am in
A dead end job
That does not bring
Happiness
Or fulfillment
It leaves me craving for more
But what that more is I do not know
I am of the mind
That in order to be
Truly happy
One must find
A vocation that they
Love or
At least enjoy
The only problem is
That my mind wanders
In a million different directions
Simultaneously
And I don't know
Where to begin or
How to respond
To the plethora of
Limitless ideas that crowd
My imagination
All I know is
That I want to be happy
But since my ideas
Tend to be unorthodox
Different than the norm
They create an inner struggle
That goes on in my mind
My questions do not surround
Surprisingly
"Am I good enough"
or
"Do I know what I am doing"
But instead
On a more surface level
What if I fail
I will have to face
The agony of defeat
And thus potentially validate
Everyone's view
That I am not fit
To create something
Out of nothing
And am therefore refined
To fitting the status quo
Thus being like everyone else
And reacquainting myself
With an established norm
That does not lend itself
To creativeness
Nor ingenuity
That I feel I must have
In order to feel worthwhile
And satisfied
In the professional realm
Why is it that I have this
Nagging fear of not fulfilling
My own endeavors
Be what they may
And am thus forced
To refine myself
To what everyone else does
I know those closest to me
Don't want to see me hurt or fail
At anything
Especially business or
What is my livelihood
So they often encourage me
To stick with something
That is safe and secure
Instead of taking risks
And being adventurousness
That is what keeps me paralyzed
The fear of admitting they may be right
Or succumbing to the pressures
They put on me
To conform
In the face of failure
How can I escape
The fear of failure
And living a life
That is undifferentiated
From those around me

It almost feels
Like I have to perform
Up to some certain standard
And if I don't
Then I am a failure
Or inadequate
Waste talent
Instead of using it for
All that I have
Feeling paralyzed
Can often lead people
To inaction
Even when there
Fears are unsubstantiated
Or unfounded
And that, my friends,
Is what I feel
Is keeping me
From stepping out and
Spreading my wings
Doing my own thing
And letting the pieces
Fall where they may